Happy Mother's Day! I owe you, Mom...

A little something that came through my e-mail box this week: (I added the last one, as it was something I always internally laughed at when my mom would use it.)

1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me about RELIGION:
"You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet!"

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why!"

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC:
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING:
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

And finally, one of my own (just for you, mom!).
26. My mother taught me about ANATOMY:
"Stop standing there with your teeth in your mouth!"